This archived article was written by: Nate Davis
Major League Baseball has finally achieved its goal of harsher punishments for substance abuse, a ten-day suspension for using steroids; and six games for drinking milk? A few months ago, Nick Cirillo a bat boy for the Florida Marlins was suspended by the team. I know what your thinking. What could a bat boy do to get suspended? According to Marlins’ management, drink milk. Cirillo was suspended for six games by the Marlins for accepting the gallon challenge.
For those of you who are uncultured and unfamiliar with the gallon challenge, it goes something like this. Someone challenges another person to drink an entire gallon of milk in under an hour, without puking. Cirillo is still a little confused as the exact reason he was suspended. He said that he is still unsure of why he was suspended but that it had something to do with milk.
Dodgers pitcher Brad Penny issued the dare to Cirillo, and as an added incentive, if Cirillo could complete the task, Penny would give him $500. Cirillo finished the milk in 59 minutes but threw up and therefore did not collect any money.
Cirillo was invited to appear on David Letterman’s Late Night talk show after his suspension. When asked why he was suspended he said “Honestly they never told me, I guess I got in trouble for supposedly gambling, but it was a dare. The money was just an extra part of the dare.”
Cirillo expressed concern before taking the dare after he told Penny that he wondered if he would get in trouble. Penny asked him “How are you going to get in trouble for drinking milk?” Letterman sympathized with the bat boy saying “It would be all right if he was gooned on steroids, that wouldn’t be a problem. He’s full of milk and they suspend the poor kid. While Cirillo was suspended, he was offered a position as bat boy for one of the Marlins’ minor league teams. He returned to action on September 16 when the Marlins faced the Atlanta Braves. How is it that steroids will get you suspended for ten days and milk gets you suspended for six games?
* An apology to the Chicago White Sox
When the MLB playoffs began, I was joking with a kid that lived in my dorm. This kid happened to be a Chicago White Sox fan and the Boston Red Sox were currently playing the White Sox in the playoffs. I bashed the White Sox, saying they were lucky, that the only reason they won the first two games of the series was because they were played in Chicago, and their fans were going crazy. Well I was wrong. The White Sox are not lucky. They’re just that good. So I’m sorry Chicago, sorry for writing you off as a fluke. I was wrong.