March 24, 2023

Buy high, sell low

Once upon a time, in 1929, America sank
into a depression. Unemployment hit an all
time high of 25 percent in 1933, and many were
homeless, struggling to provide for themselves
and their families.
What the history books don’t say is that the
Great Depression was something that could
have been avoided entirely if people had just
invested and saved their money.
What is investing anyway? “Experts” say
things all the time like, “buying a share of a
company to generate a profit,” or things that
don’t really make any sense. Real experts
know that investing is just throwing money
into a phone app about the legendary outlaw
Robin Hood, and watching as his arrows go up.
Kind of like a video game. It’s not that hard.
Before someone can truly call themselves
an “investor,” they need a source of money.
Some decide to scrimp and save each week,
eventually growing their investments into a
second income stream. Others put a portion
of every check they get into an investing fund.
A select few even take their money to professional
investing firms and pay “an expert” to
invest for them.
Those people are losers.
They could skip the scrimping part, and
make investing their primary income from
the get-go. They only need to risk their son’s
college tuition, and dump every single one of
their paychecks into the stock market.
That being said, true investors even consider
that to be too safe. Wannabe investors who
don’t want to play the stock market on “easy
mode,” can simply take out a massive loan, and
dump all that money into the market. Sure, they
might owe money, now, but they can just pay
back in a few years.
From their yachts.
So, now that they have their small loans
of a million dollars, where does the budding
investor begin in the stock market? Unless they
want to be reduced to investing in something
like Microsoft, Amazon, or Netflix, the answer
is simple: Penny stocks.
Penny stocks are a fool proof, and completely
safe way of making money. They’re
sure things. If an investor sees a sure thing,
they should buy more of the same.
When building a portfolio, an investor
doesn’t want to deviate from their chosen
industry. That’s called diversification, a fancy
word for “losing money because of fear of
commitment.” They miss out when their foreign
company’s oil fields inevitably go wild, and the
stock shoots up.
Another tip for penny stocks is best not
to think. Thinking leads to conclusions like
“What if the oil well is dry?” and “There’s no
way this stock isn’t a Ponzi scheme.” Thoughts
like these don’t make money.
Borrow from the future with this simple
advice: green means go, and red means stop. It’s
been ingrained into American people’s minds
since we were children for a reason.
What does this mean for an investor’s penny

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