Even mom does not like stench of Burtenshaw

This archived article was written by: Marco Dansberry

First, let me say I am not insulting the dorm rooms. I have no problems with them in fact for the last two years I have become real cozy in them and call them home.
I don’t know much about the other dorm rooms, like I said this is my second year here and probably only been in Aaron Jones three or four times in that period, and I been in Sessions only once, and to tell you the truth, I have no idea what I was doing there in the first place. I use to go to Tucker all the time, but it seemed that every time that I went over there within the next week I was in Bill Osborn’s office (assistant dean of students) explaining something, so I had to cut my trips there short.
So that just leaves Burtenshaw, my home sweet home. Since I crashed my car last year my, mom would usually drop me back off at school after a weekend or after we had a break. Most of the time, I would have clothes and other stuff that I brought back with me and would need help getting into my room. My mom is somewhat of a clean freak, but I had never seen the face that she made when she walked in the door of Burtenshaw. It was a like a bug was on her nose and she was trying to wiggle it off without using her hands. I never noticed it or maybe have just gotten use to it, but the way she was acting, you would have thought that some one had sprayed tear gas. “Hurry up and lets get to your room, awe please hurry up Marco,” I thought it was funny because I found nothing wrong with the smell.
Now if I thought her reaction to the smell when she first got in was bad, it got worse when she got to my suite. It wasn’t really that horrible it was as clean as most suites are downstairs, trash full, containing some type of moldy substance (I had never really smelled mold until I got to Burtenshaw, but now I am kind of used to it). The sinks that we wash our faces and brush our teeth in were full of dishes that had been there for about a week. (Did you know that Kool-Aid could mold, because it can). My mom looked like she was having an anxiety attack. She was taking in large gulps of air then coughing trying to get “that taste out her mouth.” She just started holding her breath and I thought she was going to do so until she passed out. I had to beg her to breathe she ended up running down to the door and took in a big gulp of air and told me I would have to put the rest of my stuff in myself and she would just wait in the car.
My mom has not been in the dorms since. Now every time she drops me off she just waits in the car and acts like she cant wait to leave like there is a monster or something up in my room. I personally have no problem with the smell, I remember someone asking, “what’s that smell,” My roommate and I said “that’s Burtenshaw, that’s Burtenshaw”.
Enough with the smell, here is a couple tips you need if you plan on moving into Burtenshaw. First thing is don’t have a roommate, if possible. It cost $200 and it sounds like a lot but it’s worth it. Why is it worth it, you ask, because when I had a roommate I found that I didn’t go to bed on average until 2:30 a.m. because that’s how long my roommate stayed up or that’s when they came in. A couple of nights I stayed up till like 6:00 because my roommates friends were in my room.
Another thing I learned in Burtenshaw was how to starve, correctly. I’m a college student also known as one of the broke people of America. Every now and then I can get some Domino’s pizza, but most of the time it’s good old noodles in a cup, or 75-cent chili in a can. Other people have resorted to popcorn but I just don’t like that. If I want a snack I’ll eat popcorn but if I am hungry, I want food, real food, not Jiffy Pop. I have resorted to eating some strange things. At first I thought eating Kool-Aid out the canister was crazy, but now it’s more like dinner. One time I drank applesauce like it was a Pepsi, with a Turkey sandwich and mustard.
Another thing you have to get used to is the front door always being locked. It’s no problem if you have your key but if you don’t, knocking really loud is your best option. Usually within five minutes someone will open the door for you. If you lock your dorm door, getting in is pretty easy. The problem is if you don’t find your key, you have to leave your room open while you are out and just pray that no one takes everything from your room.
Speaking of taking things, before you use the toilet, make sure there is toilet paper. You may have left some toilet paper there when you left but that does not mean that it’s going to be there when you get back. Also don’t put your extra rolls in plain view. I hide my rolls like it’s gold or something.
Another thing, the walls are paper thin, I have heard unspeakable things. People blast their music until midnight, get used to that. People leave their TVs on and go to class, get used to that. People leave their alarms on … all day. Get used to that.
Other than that, everything in Burtenshaw is nice. Everybody is cool with each other. If you lock yourself out of your room, there is always an RA to open it. All of that said though, I can’t wait till the end of the semester when I can live in a house with home cooked food again.