What the world could live without

This archived article was written by: Leland Lobato

Just about anybody that knows me would most likely describe me as a rather upbeat sort of individual, happy-go-lucky, if you will. Normally it is with that frame of mind that I sit down to write these long winded diatribes that somehow end up printed in the pages of The Eagle. It is in that spirit that I again wished to write a story. Every issue my goal at the newspaper is to put smile on some faces. I wish to spark laughter, provoke thought and share some of my experiences with others hoping that someone might learn from my mistakes among other things.
Just as always, I sat down and prepared to engage the “type frenzy” switch in my brain, when all of a sudden A.D.D. and his posse of distraction burst through the door and proceeded to wreak havoc. Due to the distraction posse, I thought of something that I do not like. This led to thinking of other things I do not like. It went on longer than need be and next thing you know, I was bombarded by irritation. With this in mind I shall not accomplish my goal this time around. Instead I decided to share some of the things that bother me to the point where I just want to chop somebody’s toes off. I shall start with what got me off track in the first place.
Has anybody noticed this nice weather we have been having lately? I have and it’s getting on my nerves. The weather is teasing us. The day started out quite nice and shiny. One could almost hear birds chirping and imagine cute, fluffy animals frolicking in the wilderness. I was enjoying very much, as many of us do. I had to go inside a few minutes, come back outside and it is cloudy and windy.
As if that were not enough, I remembered that spring signifies the end of winter. But we didn’t even get to have a real winter. All that happened was that it got cold for a couple of months and maybe 15 snowflakes hit the ground. If we got a decent snow storm it lasted for a day and a half, then was gone. I wanted more playtime in the snow.
Another thing I thought of that crawls up my butt and causes irritation is pretty ladies that do not know they are pretty. The total sweethearts that mess around with jerks who only want a quick fling and what not. They start a relationship, it is over really fast, the guy moves on and the girl thinks it is because she is not pretty enough. Or it could be for whatever other reason. It makes me want shake them really hard and scream “you’re pretty” over and over again until they either understand that they are pretty or want to throw up.
Now as bad as all that, what is worse by several orders of magnitude, are the really ugly and/or trashy, skanky-type girls that do not know they are ugly. There is nothing cool about that. Especially when they try to flirt with you in an overly aggressive manner. What is even worse about the whole situation for me is that I don’t have the nerve to break it to them that they are not swimming on the pretty end of the gene pool. I can’t do it because at least they have that confidence in themselves. Who am I to take that away from them? I’ll put up with it though because I am a nice guy. But that brings up something else that bothers me.
Ladies, I know far too many of you like to go out with jerks/assholes. For some reason “nice” just does not seem to fit into your idea of what a boyfriend should be. That is fine, I understand the jerk infatuation. Actually that is a lie, I do not understand that, but I do understand that this is how things seem to be. Pay attention because I have reached the important part. This is something I need to tell every lady, even if she does not date jerks.
Just because a guy is nice does not mean it is a good idea to set him up with your highly unattractive friend with a great personality. Nice guys are every bit as shallow as the jerks. Nice guys also want to go out with a pretty lady. The operative word in that particular phrase is “guy.” Stereotypically a nice guy is more likely to get past looks, but not as often as one might think. I am by no means saying not to introduce them, just don’t try to get them together. If it is going to happen, it will happen and if not, then it won’t. I have witnessed and experienced this, it is not a cool thing. Be assured I am not saying this is true of all nice guys because I do not know every nice guy, but still it’s just not a nice thing to do to a nice person. If anybody has any questions about this particular subject, feel free to ask at anytime.
Among a few other things that have been bothering me is that alternating between swing shift and graveyard shift has left me, on some days, feeling as though I consumed massive amounts of drugs the previous day without the benefit of having actually done massive amounts of drugs. None of the up, all of the down.
People who do not know how to work a four-way stop should be blindfolded, lined up against a wall and repeatedly kicked in the shins by hyper-active elementary school children. So should people that do not use their car’s blinker.
50-Cent gets on every single last nerve I have. He is like a “special” person who wanted to make a rap album one day and everybody just says it is good so they don’t hurt his feelings. So he keeps on making albums because nobody has the heart to tell him he sucks. I believe that song Wanksta was autobiographical. The only thing he has going for him is Eminem and Dr. Dre. I’m not even going to start with the 50-Cent fans.
Along the lines of no talent freaks, I have a question. Who forgot to lock Paris Hilton’s cage? Why is she even looked at as a celebrity? Why is she looked at as someone of any kind of importance at all. If I had a daughter that acted like her, I would jump off the highest thing I could find with no means of slowing my descent. She is rather unattractive. I would go so far as to use the word ugly. All she ever did was be born with a lot of money.
I could not begin to list all the things that make me want to go on a mad rampage of destruction in these pages. Not enough room to list them here. Being that I got ambushed by A.D.D. and could think of nothing else I had to get it out of my system somehow, hence my list of complaints.
So in typical Leland fashion, I leave you with wise words that have absolutely nothing to do with what I have been writing.
When group members argue, they must determine why they disagree. If they conclude that their disagreement stems merely from the group’s attempts to make the right decision, the disagreement will probably not turn into true conflict. If, however, participants attribute the disagreement to another’s incompetence, belligerence or argumentativeness, a simple disagreement can escalate into a conflict.
Have a great day everybody and remember to wear your seatbelts.