Love, it’s a personal thing

This archived article was written by: Jordan Sanders

Or is it?  On St. Valentine’s Day–also known as Single Awareness Day–many don’t think that this is the case.  It can either be a ridiculously romantic day with bouquets of flowers, sweets, and affection or it can be a day filled with longing sighs, chocolate ice cream and crying while watching your favorite chick flick and wishing that you were the character in it.  Either way, it can end up being pretty expensive and taxing on your emotions. 
Being lonely can take its toll.  It can affect you mentally as well as physically, according to Louise Hawkley and John Cacioppo, two psychologists from the University of Chicago.  They have done studies and found that it even affects the way people deal with challenging situations. Those who suffer from loneliness, feel more threatened and helpless than those who do not feel lonely.  Being alone doesn’t have to be debilitating.  It can actually be a good way to come to know yourself, and prepare for a good relationship in the future.
It’s no secret that self-image and self-esteem are huge issues in America.  People often see themselves as being less pretty/handsome, less successful and worth less than what others perceive them to be.  It is a natural tendency to think that way, but if we start to see ourselves in a new light, not only will we start to feel better about ourselves, but others will also see us differently.  
The secret to having a great relationship is to first learn to love yourself.  If you love yourself first, it is a lot easier for someone else to have those same feelings for you.  But, coming to love yourself isn’t easy.  It involves changing your perspective and often changing old habits that have been developed over years of self worth destroying thought patterns and actions. 
Many of us put ourselves in the victim roll.  We say, “Oh man, I should really do my homework tonight,” or, “ugh…I can’t hang out because I have to work tonight.”  If we change the way we speak and think, it can change the way we feel.  Instead of thinking of what we should, or have to do, we should say that we choose to do those things because it will bring us to what we actually want.  For instance, we can say, “I’m going to do my homework tonight because I want to get good grades so I can get scholarships and have to pay less out of my own pocket for schooling.”  Or we could say, “I am choosing to work so that when I do have time off, I can have more fun with you because I actually have money to use.”  
Do you see the thought process change?  Thinking this way takes us from being the victim to being empowered to choose our path.   The same can be true in our relationships, or the lack thereof.  Instead of saying, “man, no one wants to date me because I’m not good enough, or don’t look good enough for them,”  say; “man, I am stinking awesome and attractive and everyone out there is missing out on dating me!”  If that’s not true…make it true. 
As you get to know yourself better, look at the positives in yourself and build on those things until they push the negatives out of existence.  Also, when you have time with yourself, it is easier to develop talents and realize the strengths that you possess, and these things build confidence.  With confidence and optimism, truly you become much more attractive and dateable.  No one likes a complainer or moper, even we don’t like ourselves when we are that way.  So quit it!  Also, having some time alone helps you to realize what you actually want in another person and you can start to see those people that could be good candidates. 
Be happy with yourself, and love yourself, because you are a lovable person.  Do that and the dating candidates will start flocking.  If not, take yourself on some awesome dates, it’s cheaper that way and at least you know exactly what you like so you won’t be eating or doing anything that wouldn’t fit your fancy. 
Also, enjoy that full box of chocolates until someone realizes how awesome you are and wants to share it with you, because someone will, it might take a little time.