This archived article was written by: Mik Ashby
Some inventions have changed all of humankind.
When fire was created, man no longer was forced to eat raw food, but could create delectable treats such as smoked salmon, flame-broiled hamburgers, and s’mores.
Some inventions were even more important than just changing what food we eat. When man first made brass, everyone threw out their old calendars, and started over again with the Brass Age, this also happened with the Iron-Age, and the Industrial Age.
Somehow not all of the important inventions have been as recognized as these, actually some of the most important have come without great heralding, calendar changing, new holidays, or even christening ceremonies.
And so it is finally time that we honor three of the most important inventions of all time, three things that have forever changed the viewpoints of the average man, three things that have taught us what we really can do.
The most important of these three is duct tape, and rightly so, it has received the most acclaim. Before duct tape the world of repair was strict. To fix a leaky pipe it was necessary to remove the old pipe and find the exact same one to replace it. But that is no longer necessary, now when it leaks, it is easy to fix; just wrap a few layers of duct tape on it, and presto, problem gone. The goodness of duct tape doesn’t end there. If the check engine light in your car comes on, just put a layer of duct tape over it, and voila all the stress is gone.
If someone is yelling at you, telling you how horrible you are, then just cover their mouth with duct tape, and all of the whining and screaming is gone.
Over the years, many have tried to show the world new ways to use duct tape. There actually are dozens of books on the unique uses of duct tape, including duct tape frames, impossible to open gifts, and even a complete duct tape tuxedo, which has been seen at many proms. Upon being questioning about why he was wearing a Duct tape suit to his junior prom, John Hubert said that he simply loved duct tape ever since it fixed the hood of his car.
The second great invention is the opposite of duct tape, WD-40. Even though there never has been a book wrote about the uses of WD-40, it still has its impact, and many uses. The impact is indisputable, when a child’s bike chain stops moving the first thing that the parent reaches for is always WD-40, when the lawn mower stops running, a few good squirts of WD-40, and suddenly it is purring like a kitten.
The best quality about WD-40 is that it is flammable, opening the door for infinite possibilities of new uses. The most common of which is the flame-thrower, and since it is capable of delivering a flame several feet long, it is a most impressive sight.
Now the last of these inventions is not necessarily the least important, actually, if you live in a cooking dorm, it should be the most important. Even though Ranch Dressing isn’t flammable, and it can’t hold anything together, it has saved millions of young children from eating less than great food. Ranch dressing is the one substance on Earth that can change the worst of meals into a fine cuisine. Coming from a household with an inventive mother, there are several times that Ranch Dressing has saved me from the brink of starvation. No longer is man forced to plug their nose and choke down food. Now there is a cure, a taste that will overpower even the most repulsing taste and replace it with the cool, creamy feeling of God’s gift to the world.
Now that everyone knows of the great gift of these products, no longer must they go unappreciated, unused and un-thanked. Now we can show our gratitude and fully use these for the betterment of all humankind.