The ugly truth
Being an expert on the art of rejecting – and on multiple occasions having been rejected myself, I tam responding to last week’s letter to the editor: “Three Rules Before You Say ‘No.” While this response might be considered the workings of a “troll” with its inevitable misanthropic humor, please understand it began with only the purest of expository intentions. Mr. Justice, I write this response to help you understand a simple dish and gossip secret that has been around as long as the phrase “the truth hurts” which is simply, She’s just not that into you.
Let’s look at your first rule of advice. “Say no with respect.” I agree. However, (and trust me when I say this) when women are telling you “hell no” they are nipping any possible relationship at the bud, ultimately showing more respect. It takes so much courage and honesty for a woman who is not interested to say no when it is obvious how much the man has tried to catch her attention.
Now I will indulge in your advice for a moment by setting the stage. You, “have only love and respect” for the said woman, and yet are just looking for “a cute girl to hang out with,” say in invitation “I will make you dinner, if you come to my house alone” – (Or might I interject the term, exclusively), You obviously have deeper, more intimate intentions than friendship or hanging out. So If she decides to say no, she is then advised to follow up with, “I’m not interested in you, but lets hang out this weekend!” while being fun all the while. So she has just told him A) that she’s not interested, and B) She is still going to lead him on unintentionally: Let him buy her dinner, take her shopping, and have fun spending his money. In other words, she is going to use him.
This way “he will have an added effect of feeling good” – lighter, might I add, because his pockets will be empty and he will have nothing to show for it but the broken heart waiting to happen, which will positively be more painful than the original “hell no” which you can understand “really, really hurts”
Concerning your second and third rules – “Don’t get weird” and “Just say YES!” Has it occurred to you that maybe the prior mentioned women are “acting weird” because they might have realized that they were sending an unintentional message, and are non-verbally trying to send a new one? To quote a line from the opening of Hitch, “Eighty percent of what you say aint comin out of your mouth!” But perhaps their minds are elsewhere too, for example, making a mental note to finally purchase that mace they’ve had their eye on. Excluding the women who in your words “go for stalkers” (not the unrealistic sparkly vampire kinds, but the serious, threatening kinds), perhaps those women enjoy rape as well? Maybe these women are genuinely scared that their “last first date” is upon them in the sense that only a necrophilia would have an interest with them afterwards (Or the unrealistically undead sparkly vampires).
I can however, sincerely agree with one of your statements. That is the philosophy of Carpe Diem, if it is someone that the woman is generally interested in, she should by all means say yes and seize the moment. But what if in this scenario we are again face to face with the ugly horrible truth: that she’s just not that into you? If she just says yes – as advised even though she is not interested, she will sell herself short, because “she is young and needs to enjoy life” – and might I add, enjoy the five star hotel purchased at the cost of her body and sense of self worth.
I understand that you have been hurt in the arena of love Mr. Justice. I would like to add that we all have. It is one of the many, many risks we take in this battle. We must stand; take up our arms and walk forward again no matter the number of times we fall. That said I wish for you better luck in your romantic ventures and end with three pieces of advice for you.
If the girl says your personal favorite “hell no, you’re a loser, get away from me” She’s probably not seeing the friendship at the same level as you, and it might be possible that you are stalking her.
Women do not have it in their minds that they are exclusive. They have standards that you are obviously not measuring up to. They are just not that into you for whatever reason shallow or not. Don’t convince yourself that you can win her over, because your heartbreak will only return with interest, my friend.
If you have been rejected to the point that you consider yourself an expert in the field. Perhaps it is not the women who are the problem. Your initial letter demonstrated the pinnacle of how arrogant, chauvinistic pigs see and treat women. That being said, please keep your future opinions to yourself, as they are as redundant as an asshole: everyone has one. And that’s the ugly truth.
The ugly truth