March 31, 2020

Can I have your number?

The history of the practice of men being the ones to take the initiative, ask girls on dates, and ultimately to ask to wed, is a long and confusing affair involving multiple cultures, great minds, and a lot of excessive verbiage in which even a physicist would get lost. I prefer a simpler explanation, that, although it is not necessarily true, is much easier to follow and more enjoyable to imagine.

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

This archived article was written by: Seth Richards

The history of the practice of men being the ones to take the initiative, ask girls on dates, and ultimately to ask to wed, is a long and confusing affair involving multiple cultures, great minds, and a lot of excessive verbiage in which even a physicist would get lost. I prefer a simpler explanation, that, although it is not necessarily true, is much easier to follow and more enjoyable to imagine.
I like to think that there was some great congress amongst the greatest minds of the age. These minds, both men and women, gathered around a table to hash out what should become standard practice at the time, and would ultimately become tradition. These minds started with a bill drafted by Longus Name Greekus. This bill outlined a plan for organized chaos that would prevail throughout the civilized world. However, to appease some knave who snuck into the conference with a pretentious mustache and large words, changes were made. This particular knave had a plan to make gentlemen suffer as they had made his village suffer when delivering civilization.
This would ultimately have led to such clauses as, gentlemen must open doors, there should be an extra fork for the salad, and of course, men should ask women out on dates and not vice versa.
There is no secret that gentlemen are shy. When talking to an attractive woman who the man is not familiar with, most will sound like Porky Pig or some famously speechless person. When I was younger and more attractive, I set about to change this uncomfortable bumbling.
I set a goal at the end of my sophomore year of high school to get one attractive lady’s phone number for each mandatory day remaining of my high school career. This was a daunting task. But after much rejection, rejection hotline, a few fetching women who happened to be hiding their imminent motherhood, and learning that I am relatively incompetent as far as gauging age, I got those numbers a year early.
In this search for the elusive ability to talk to attractive strangers I learned to be bold, sometimes funny, and that when I allowed myself to be humiliated, I usually would end up deserving it. This is exemplified by a more recent experience in which I ended up hanging out the window of an SUV in Provo traffic, red faced, giving the international sign for “Give me your number, you extremely attractive person, you.” This move earned me the rejection hotline
I would not advertise aiming for the numbers. Due to a lack of funding for this project I was unable to take most of these ladies on the implied date, and I may never know how many of them wasted away by the telephone hoping that Prince Levi would make their pitiful lives worth living.
For all of you out there looking for love, the secret to talking to attractive people is found in boldness. Don’t be afraid to fall on your face. You deserve better than to be held back by traditional gender roles, fear of humiliation, or a feeling of inadequacy. If you can make that call, you might just find that special someone.

Print Friendly, PDF & Email