USU Eastern’s top-ten worst dates

This archived article was written by: Nathan Manley

Aldo students! For all you freshmen welcome to the Eastern family, and those who have returned it’s nice to see familiar faces again. Returning to school is a double edged sword for most. That nervous and oft exciting energy for school to start but oftentimes that doesn’t compensate for summers end drawing near.
I hope you all took advantage of your summer break spending it with friends and family or perhaps even chasing a summer crush. Typically those crushes don’t always work out in the end and sometimes result in heartache. But there is a lighter side to those moments as well. While keeping with that same dating spirit, I thought it would be fun to talk to students around campus and find out some of their more comical bad dates. So, ladies and gentleman, here is my comprehensive list of USU Eastern’s Top Ten Worst Dates. 
10. Video Game Date  
Two different students told me of incidents relating to video games. The lesser of the two was when a girls date only talked about World of Warcraft. The other more egregious act was when someone actually played Angry Birds on his phone during dinner and all through the movie.
9. The “L” Word    
We’re not all lucky enough to fall in love at first sight or at least having that love reciprocated. Telling someone you love them on a third date is one thing. But to tell them that God commanded the two of you to get married and start poppin’ out babies soon is something entirely different. You might want to rethink that strategy. 
8. The Mighty Duck  
I heard a lot of stories where the date was condescending or insulting but the worst of the lot was during an outing to Cold Stone. A guy proceeded to tell his date that she waddled like a duck when she walked, and that it was probably because she had a big bum. Ouch! I’m assuming there was no a second date.  
7. Singing Psycho
The pity date is never easy. But this particular instance was when a girl got asked to a dance by someone who she knew liked her and sadly she didn’t share the same feelings towards him but very nobly accompanied him to the dance. When he started singing the words to every slow song to her while they danced, it took a turn towards the creepy side. Oh, and he was tone deaf.
6. All Stitched Up 
On the way out the front door, one guys date accidentally slammed his head in it. So whatever plans they had were cancelled and they spent the night at the hospital instead getting his head stitched.
5. Never Let Go
Number five is one of my personal favorites. So he picked his date up on a motorcycle and it started raining, strike number one. Luckily she wasn’t wearing white. They went to a dollar theater for a re-release of the blockbuster Titanic and very strategically grabbed his date’s hand at the same moment when the famous line “never let go” is said on screen, and told his date to never let go…strike-number two.
The third strike came when he asked her if she was comfy and pulled her head in to rest on his chest and wouldn’t let go for the rest of the movie. And here’s the kicker, it started to rain again during the ride home.
4. A Day At The Beach
(In Africa)
So this date started out pretty good, just a normal day at the beach. But when they left maybe twenty miles outside from the beach they got into a more mountainous forest region and the car broke down. But the bad part is that he made her push while he was inside the car steering.
3. Panic Attack Prom
My heart goes out to this guy, but on the way to the prom his car broke down on the freeway and he had a panic attack. So he called his mom and left his phone on speaker. Now keep in mind that his date can hear every word, and his mom asked him if he took his meds that day. So they finally got to the dance and at some point he cut his arm and had another panic attack. But after all that he ignored his date and only danced with his sister.
2. Snorting Pee
So this date started with the snorting game which I’m unfamiliar with, but apparently whoever is in the middle is blindfolded and handed a cane. Whoever gets touched by the cane gets snorted at and they have to snort back at the blind person. So this girl got snorted at but can’t snort back because she was laughing hysterically. Well that was her demise because she laughed so hard she peed her pants and had her date take her home early.
1. The Brown Carnival
Just remember that this guys date is aware of everything the entire time. So this couple goes out to a big dinner and then goes to a carnival. Well during a ride he gets a sick stomach, but it’s not vomit but the sick that’s down south and it’s all in his pants. Now at this point he thinks his date doesn’t know what’s transpired and after the ride he tries to convince her that they should both get these cool sweatpants at one of the booths.
She doesn’t take the bait, but he decides to get them anyway and goes to change. Since there is no garbage in a port-o-potty he ditches his pants before he changes. Once inside he realizes that they aren’t sweatpants, but he has in fact boughten a sweatshirt. At this point obviously panicking, he puts the sweatshirt on like pants and bails leaving his date at the carnival.