This archived article was written by: Kellie Henderson
After Valentine’s Day this year, I got to thinking. Although holidays are more products of evolution than invention, I imagine a place where holidays are created, with one worker stewing over an idea for a new holiday, thinking “You know what we need in a holiday? Something that will bring us together in celebration of love. It will be a huge hit, considering pop culture’s fixation worship of love. Hey – all you need is love, right? It’ll be a hit!”
But no, V-day is the most bemoaned holiday of the year. With our society stuffed to overflowing with romance-themed music, literature and movies, it’s as if this one little holiday pushes us over the edge. We’re already full and now are sick to our stomachs.
Now, hear me out. Most of the criticism of this holiday could easily be attributed to more critically acclaimed celebrations. One common complaint is, “why do you need to devote a holiday to showing your love for someone? Can’t you do that on your own?” Why not? Why not dedicate a holiday to a noble cause? And why can’t you celebrate your patriotism, religious figures, appreciate your father or thank a veteran on any day of the week?
“It’s too commercialized.” This one deserves a “Well … duh” moment of silence. As much as we all hate it, everything is commercialized now; nothing is too sacred to be packaged and shipped to eager consumers.
The most popular criticism seems to be, “Valentines is awful if you are single.” What is up with this If I can’t have it, no one can attitude? Do childless women protest Mother’s Day? I mean, why do the Irish get their own holiday? Isn’t this showing cultural preference? Besides, I’m a vegetarian, I can’t even eat corn beef and I do not drink alcohol. Why do we need a holiday dedicated to wearing green? Green is a beautiful, earthy color and represents the social movement favoring environmental consciousness, shouldn’t we be wearing green all the time? Anyway.. what is it with this violence against people who don’t participate in this ridiculous tradition?
In reality, I’m more of a spectator to the whole mating game, as a relationship or anything resembling it is far in the future for me, while I focus on building a life for myself. I have heard that love finds you when you are not looking, and though I keep my eye out for intruders, Cupid seems to be more set on having a laugh at my expense than playing matchmaker.
See, here’s the problem: I have a strange appeal to anyone in some sort of trouble with the law. At a school activity, one guy attempted to serenade me and was later taken away in handcuffs. His last plea to me, before being loaded into a cop car, was, “You still have to go on a date with me.”
My other catches include a marijuana grower and a guy who lost his license and, nearly, his job over unspecified legal issues.
I can’t complain, though, life is pretty good. Well, until next time, here’s to wishing you all a late Happy SAD (Single’s Awareness Day). … I couldn’t resist.